shakedown

starved for good conversation.

Auto response from alyq4281 (12:32:44 AM): ccrush me baby: MAH BED IS CLEAN AND READY FOR MY VALENTINE
ccrush me baby: and you know who that is
ccrush me baby: YOU ALISON QUIGLEY

last year....sighh

this is why we are married on the facebook.

Valentine's day
+dinner with lovers
+valentine's from lovers
+package from my parents!!!
+IM's FROM WHL!!!1!!!!

so I know it's trivial but seriously I'm pretty excited.


Last year was way better with my physics class and D-mo.

So it's 2:16 on monday and I have an anatomy test on weds at 1:35 and it is going to be the hardest test of my life. I currently have only half my outlines completed and tomorrow I have class from 9:50 to 6pm straight (no breaks in between). I have been laying in my bed now for two hours and no love with the sleep (on account of my incredibly high stress level). So I raided Elise's drugs and took a dramamine. Tomorrow I am skipping math and going to the library to finish my outlines so that after my marathon classes tomorrow I can just study my notecards instead of making them. Weds I have an 8am lab and that sucks really hardcore. This weekend though I am going snowboarding and mynewfriendsam is wasted right now and he is keeping me entertained while i wait for my dramamine to set in. I'm not fond of taking drugs for sleeping, but I went to meditation and it didn't help with my sleeping one bit.

Once upon a time...

I am an insomniac and I layed awake for six hours last night. As a result, I turned off my alarm while still asleep and arrived at lab 12 minutes late.

My lab teacher took 14 points off my lab homework because I didn't type it, even though she never told us to.

I have an abnormal s4 heartbeat.

I went to meditation and the guy was real strict and real man and my ass hurt real bad after.

I have a psych test in 40 minutes and I know nothing.

Only 3months left of school and I am real real sad. I want to stay here foreva!

My roommate listens to all boy band music from middle school. Anytime I hear them I feel like I should be at Tom Costa's in my Paul Frank shirt, wearing body glitter, belting out the songs with Steph Herward and Lauren Tiner.

All I want to do is list all of the immature/dumb comments he made, and ask him if he thinks that being mean to me/ignoring me was the mature solution to the problems we had and if maturity means having no real job and living with your parents when you are approaching age 21. But I am just going to bite my lip because I asked for his honest opinion, and getting defensive when you ask for honesty is immature.

I don't have any confidence, and I don't believe I can do anything, I am scared and weak, and it's become a huge problem. I don't know how I am ever going to change that when I ask for and get brutal honesty that just makes me feel even shittier.

I'm progressing, this time I even recognized the latent period before the time the shittiness sets in.

so next time I will most likely have it all wrapped up into a sigh and a shrug.

One advantage that New Hampshire has over Boston is stars. Boston stars are scarce and small. It's nice to see real and big stars every night. I haven't been camping in a few years, but those were the best stars I can rememeber. Our campground was in this town on the VT/NH line in the middle of nowhere. We used to sleep on an air mattress in the middle of a field. The view of the stars from there was spectacular. A billion stars were visible along with the milky way it's the real version of the planetarium. I'd like to do that this summer, go camping in some secluded place up north and sleep under the stars and jump off rocks into the river. It's a NH thing to do that I've never actually done.

I said it now I really have to do it.

so this is the new year.

wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

I thought maybe it was just an unlucky string of events, but it is now clear what my role in life is. no fun at all.

i don't really like her that much but we are on the same exact page and I have a lot of empathy.
a while ago there was a time when everything was perfect.
we're just waiting for that to time to come around again &failing hardcore at attempts to hurry it up
&getting frustrated, impatient, &restless.

sometimes I wake up in the morning and I have to pee and not only do I have to venture ALL THE WAY to the bathroom, when i get there, IT IS CLOSED then I venture ALL THE WAY to another bathroom and that IS CLOSED ALSO. so instead of peeing, I am sitting here bitching about it with a full bladder. WONDERFUL

I have a five page paper due tomorrow at one thirty. I am donating blood at 12:30. My paper is all about "weblogs". We have to find a "weblog" and anazlyze it. Livejournal does not count as a "weblog" she wants a blogger.com "weblog" written by old creepy people about their pathetic lives. I cannot bullshit this one. I have half of my intro paragraph written and that is it. I cannot write it tonight. I am just going to pretend I have an 8am and set my alarm and get up and maybe type my paper, maybe.

My weekends and weekdays are like completely different lives. Sunday night has started to become a very depressing time.

it always ends up like this

i don't work for the males 'cause


I USED TO BE ONE

RESUME MY NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU EVER AGAIN.

I guess you got my mental messages that I was never talking to you ever again.

because you showed more affection yesterday in front of other people than you have shown for me when we have been alone in the past month.


and boys complain about not understanding girls.


please.

it's really frusterating being so rediculously numb all the time.

tonight was so highschool. hahahahahaha. i loved it.

I am going to Florida now.
The first time in 18 years I will not be going to Quail Hollow.
It should be interesting.

The Flying Cow has my heart. I love that place more than anything.